RIP Gar Gar
Last Thursday my grandmother died. She was 85, sick, and ready to go. She deteriorated quite quickly and her suffering is now at an end. Unfortunately I was unable to attend her funeral, which was Wednesday morning in Brisbane. So in lieu of being able to share my memories of her at the funeral, I'd like to honour her here.
As the eldest grandchild on Mum's side, I was given the dubious honour of christening my maternal grandmother. Coached to call her Gar, as that was the tradition in the family, I bucked the trend when I started doubling everything, and Gar Gar stuck. We had a lovely relationship when I was a child, as the two lone extroverts in a sea of introverts - Mum always said I take most after Gar Gar and Pauline, my aunt by marriage!
Gar Gar had a great love of music, and used to sing to me when I was little. She loved to play the piano, and I'd dance around. My cousin Danny also had a strong musical connection with her - we both ended up studying music at University, and Danny is now on tour with an orchestra in China. She was so proud of her grandchildren, even though she didn't really understand what Paul does (don't think she'd ever used a computer) and didn't really understand what I do as a Librarian either (does anyone?). But music she understood. She encouraged exhibitionism, and my early performances with a broom in the living room to I am the Pirate King were met with rave reviews from the critics, both Gar Gar and Nana, my great grandmother on my Dad's side.
As the only grandparent I really had around, supplemented of course by Nana, who Gar Gar always said was "marvellous" for her age (she lived to 99), Gar Gar was an example to me in many ways when I was a child, and continued to coach me into adulthood. When I started dating, she used to caution me against getting too serious, and use such time-honoured sayings as "there's plenty more fish in the sea", not as a comforting thing said when a relationship broke up, but as an admonition not to limit myself at a young age. She always said quite proudly that she didn't get serious until she was 26, and that she danced through the War with many young men - though never a Yank. My brother reminded me how proud she always was of how she'd shown her patriotism through only flirting with Aussie soldiers - I remember her being quite miffed that her good friend had ended up marring an American, and was hardly heard of since. She was also very stylish in those days - I used to pour over pictures of her in her youth and hope that I would one day be as pretty as she was. I'd like to think I inherited some of her sense of fun and adventure: although she never left Australia, she enjoyed many trips around her beloved country in her retirement.
Gar Gar was extremely generous. Whenever we'd go over to visit her she'd give us money. She was also scrupulously fair. If I'd gone over 3 times and she'd given me $10 each time, and then Paul rocked up, she'd give him $30 to make up for the times he'd missed. I remember when I was little she won the Lotto, which she used to play with her partner, Ces Ces (see the trend I started there?). She'd bought the tickets that week, and she split the money with him even though he hadn't contributed. He obviously felt it was something she didn't have to do, as he bought her a car in thanks. Not only was she generous with money, but in spirit also. When the '74 floods came and flooded my Mum and Dad's house at Fairfield, she took not only the Kermeens, old friends of my parents who were staying in their house, but also the next door neighbours who had no family or friends in Brisbane, into her home and organised everyone. She was a great organiser, and would have been a dynamo administrator.
Gar Gar was very much a product of her time - she was quite conservative in many ways, and despite her admonishing me not to get serious young, as soon as I turned 23 she started encouraging me to settle down, and thought that a baby would solve any and all of my problems. While we differed in opinion on many issues (a woman's place being one of them!) she was a greater example of a feminist than I think she would have ever realised. When her husband died after 15 years of marriage, leaving her with a 14 and 9 year old to raise, she returned to work and gave her children every opportunity that she had never had. Both Mum and Denis went to University, and despite sometimes accusing them of being too "analytical", she was very proud of her smart children, even though they ended up on the other side of the political fence.
Above all, the most important thing to Gar Gar was that people be happy and taken care of, and the hardest thing for her was getting older and feeling that she was a burden. She was fiercely independent for as long as she could be, another thing I think I've probably inherited from her!
Although like all of us she had flaws, and we had our differences in both opinions and tempers, I will endeavour to carry her with me always, as she was a very important part of my life and I will miss her, and the conversations we were yet to have.
I love you, Gar Gar.
As the eldest grandchild on Mum's side, I was given the dubious honour of christening my maternal grandmother. Coached to call her Gar, as that was the tradition in the family, I bucked the trend when I started doubling everything, and Gar Gar stuck. We had a lovely relationship when I was a child, as the two lone extroverts in a sea of introverts - Mum always said I take most after Gar Gar and Pauline, my aunt by marriage!
Gar Gar had a great love of music, and used to sing to me when I was little. She loved to play the piano, and I'd dance around. My cousin Danny also had a strong musical connection with her - we both ended up studying music at University, and Danny is now on tour with an orchestra in China. She was so proud of her grandchildren, even though she didn't really understand what Paul does (don't think she'd ever used a computer) and didn't really understand what I do as a Librarian either (does anyone?). But music she understood. She encouraged exhibitionism, and my early performances with a broom in the living room to I am the Pirate King were met with rave reviews from the critics, both Gar Gar and Nana, my great grandmother on my Dad's side.
As the only grandparent I really had around, supplemented of course by Nana, who Gar Gar always said was "marvellous" for her age (she lived to 99), Gar Gar was an example to me in many ways when I was a child, and continued to coach me into adulthood. When I started dating, she used to caution me against getting too serious, and use such time-honoured sayings as "there's plenty more fish in the sea", not as a comforting thing said when a relationship broke up, but as an admonition not to limit myself at a young age. She always said quite proudly that she didn't get serious until she was 26, and that she danced through the War with many young men - though never a Yank. My brother reminded me how proud she always was of how she'd shown her patriotism through only flirting with Aussie soldiers - I remember her being quite miffed that her good friend had ended up marring an American, and was hardly heard of since. She was also very stylish in those days - I used to pour over pictures of her in her youth and hope that I would one day be as pretty as she was. I'd like to think I inherited some of her sense of fun and adventure: although she never left Australia, she enjoyed many trips around her beloved country in her retirement.
Gar Gar was extremely generous. Whenever we'd go over to visit her she'd give us money. She was also scrupulously fair. If I'd gone over 3 times and she'd given me $10 each time, and then Paul rocked up, she'd give him $30 to make up for the times he'd missed. I remember when I was little she won the Lotto, which she used to play with her partner, Ces Ces (see the trend I started there?). She'd bought the tickets that week, and she split the money with him even though he hadn't contributed. He obviously felt it was something she didn't have to do, as he bought her a car in thanks. Not only was she generous with money, but in spirit also. When the '74 floods came and flooded my Mum and Dad's house at Fairfield, she took not only the Kermeens, old friends of my parents who were staying in their house, but also the next door neighbours who had no family or friends in Brisbane, into her home and organised everyone. She was a great organiser, and would have been a dynamo administrator.
Gar Gar was very much a product of her time - she was quite conservative in many ways, and despite her admonishing me not to get serious young, as soon as I turned 23 she started encouraging me to settle down, and thought that a baby would solve any and all of my problems. While we differed in opinion on many issues (a woman's place being one of them!) she was a greater example of a feminist than I think she would have ever realised. When her husband died after 15 years of marriage, leaving her with a 14 and 9 year old to raise, she returned to work and gave her children every opportunity that she had never had. Both Mum and Denis went to University, and despite sometimes accusing them of being too "analytical", she was very proud of her smart children, even though they ended up on the other side of the political fence.
Above all, the most important thing to Gar Gar was that people be happy and taken care of, and the hardest thing for her was getting older and feeling that she was a burden. She was fiercely independent for as long as she could be, another thing I think I've probably inherited from her!
Although like all of us she had flaws, and we had our differences in both opinions and tempers, I will endeavour to carry her with me always, as she was a very important part of my life and I will miss her, and the conversations we were yet to have.
I love you, Gar Gar.
posted by NomesD at 11:35 am
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